Not going to lie, I’m a bit of a skeptic. I lose faith in people at times, but I never lose hope in them. I’m more of a realist than an optimist or even a pessimist. Yet, I’m still a hopeless romantic. It’s just who I am.
So, to fall in love with Otalia was an easy thing to do, but to question it was just as easy.
I was craving a good story. I was aching for a story that revolved around strong passionate women who did not need a man to complete them, save them, or any other of that fairytale crap. I wanted an honest and true story. I found that in the amazing love story of Olivia Spencer and Natalia Rivera on Guiding Light. Sadly that was only two months ago. Or fortunately enough since I did manage to find them and get to experience them.
Thanks to their passionate fans and Youtube I was able to watch almost all of their back-story. As I stayed up all night long devouring all the videos that told their story I went through every emotion possible. I smiled and laughed. I was angered. Enraged even. I was happy and sad. I cried. I had my heart broken, torn out of my chest, stomped on and smashed during the gravesite confession, non-wedding, and gazebo confession. Then I had it picked up and dusted off to be placed back where it belonged when Natalia tells Olivia that they should take sometime and figure it all out. I felt it all. Their story felt real. It never felt contrived. I never doubted that they loved each other. Never doubted that there was nothing they wouldn’t do for one another. But the skeptic in me questioned whether or not Natalia and Olivia were physically and sexually attracted to one another. I mean if this what the media desperately wanted to call a lesbian love story, this would have to be true? No? I personally didn’t care because I knew it was a real love story and that was all that really mattered. However, those questions were put to rest that lovely day in June, which just so happened to be the day I started watching Guiding Light, when Olivia and Natalia confessed to one another that they did in fact want sex to happen – they wanted more. They wanted it all. And me – I wanted to see it happen. I wanted to see Olivia and Natalia get that happiness that everyone dreams about.
Since I was now current in the storyline and Otalia was unfortunately not on everyday I went back and re-watched a lot of different scenes. Then the 4th of July happened and I really started re-watching happy Olivia and Natalia moments.
Questions were raised on when exactly did Olivia fall for Natalia. Naturally I noticed it happening. I mean how could you not? But that exact moment when Olivia realized she was feeling something towards Natalia was hard to pinpoint. But it happened somewhere in offering Natalia a job, giving her the deed to Gus’s house, being a freaking superhero, rescuing her at the photo shoot, the dinner with Decker & the investment fund, and moving in together. It could be any of those moments or it just may be a combination of all of them. But, it really doesn’t matter. It happens. As Crystal Chappell points out during today’s live chat on BPD and CCandFriends when she was asked:
At what point did you think Olivia started to have feelings or fall in love with Natalia?
CC’s response:
I think Olivia started to fall in love with Natalia... probably right before she moved in with her. When she was going out of her way to make her life better. It was about that time that she fell in love with her. When she realized she wanted to make her life better.
Follow up/Interjected question:
Before or after the heart attack?
CC’s response:
Around about that time. She was aware she was falling for her but didn't consciously recognize that as love. She could not help herself. Isn't that love? When you just HAVE TO?
I completely agree with CC here. Olivia didn’t recognize it as love because she has never known that kind of love before. And the beauty of it was she did not question it. She just let it happen. It wasn’t until that fateful day in January where little Emma tells the world about her two mommies that Olivia was forced to stop and take a step back and really deal with what she was feeling. Then to have Natalia react the way she did put doubts in Olivia’s head. She couldn’t be in love with Natalia. She just couldn’t, but she was. In that moment where Olivia stands there and listens to Natalia tell Emma’s teacher that they aren’t that kind of couple, but they are in fact a family is the moment when she realized that she was right in feeling the way she did about Natalia. She loved her, but she didn’t know exactly what that meant. She didn’t know how to deal with all the emotions that were overwhelming her heart and head. But more importantly she realized that just maybe Natalia felt the exact same way.
When Olivia confronts Doris with that impassioned speech about Natalia and Doris in complete and utter awe states, “I wish a man would talk about me they way you just talked about her,” it was made perfectly clear that Olivia was madly in love with Natalia. And that terrified her. And love is just that - terrifying. To risk everything and put your whole heart, mind, body, soul out there for another person to grab a hold of and hope they do the same is a very scary thing. But, its also one of the most amazing and rewarding things you could ever do in this life. One could only be so lucky to experience that kind of love.
And just like CC says, “She couldn’t help herself. Isn’t that love? When you just HAVE TO?”
Yes, it is. It’s love and so much more.
That is ultimately what we see in the following months. As much as Olivia tried to bury her feelings and do what’s best for everyone she simply couldn’t. She couldn’t be left to wonder what if. She just had to LOVE. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Now, the big question is on everyone’s mind is how Otalia will be the end game. Most seem to believe Natalia needs to grovel once she returns in order to win Olivia’s love and trust back. I’m not so sure about that… well, not just quite yet. But, I’ll dig a bit deeper on that next time.
*** okay, hopefully I worked through all these thoughts in my head because sometimes you just hope “if I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer in inside of me threatening the life it belongs to.” Sorry about that. I speak in lyrics and clichés at times. Oh, btw that’s Anna Nalick’s Breathe (2 AM) if you didn’t know already. But yeah, just had some things to work out after all of today’s excitement with CC’s 2 and ½ hours or so of live chat and life. Hopefully I did. ***
So, to fall in love with Otalia was an easy thing to do, but to question it was just as easy.
I was craving a good story. I was aching for a story that revolved around strong passionate women who did not need a man to complete them, save them, or any other of that fairytale crap. I wanted an honest and true story. I found that in the amazing love story of Olivia Spencer and Natalia Rivera on Guiding Light. Sadly that was only two months ago. Or fortunately enough since I did manage to find them and get to experience them.
Thanks to their passionate fans and Youtube I was able to watch almost all of their back-story. As I stayed up all night long devouring all the videos that told their story I went through every emotion possible. I smiled and laughed. I was angered. Enraged even. I was happy and sad. I cried. I had my heart broken, torn out of my chest, stomped on and smashed during the gravesite confession, non-wedding, and gazebo confession. Then I had it picked up and dusted off to be placed back where it belonged when Natalia tells Olivia that they should take sometime and figure it all out. I felt it all. Their story felt real. It never felt contrived. I never doubted that they loved each other. Never doubted that there was nothing they wouldn’t do for one another. But the skeptic in me questioned whether or not Natalia and Olivia were physically and sexually attracted to one another. I mean if this what the media desperately wanted to call a lesbian love story, this would have to be true? No? I personally didn’t care because I knew it was a real love story and that was all that really mattered. However, those questions were put to rest that lovely day in June, which just so happened to be the day I started watching Guiding Light, when Olivia and Natalia confessed to one another that they did in fact want sex to happen – they wanted more. They wanted it all. And me – I wanted to see it happen. I wanted to see Olivia and Natalia get that happiness that everyone dreams about.
Since I was now current in the storyline and Otalia was unfortunately not on everyday I went back and re-watched a lot of different scenes. Then the 4th of July happened and I really started re-watching happy Olivia and Natalia moments.
Questions were raised on when exactly did Olivia fall for Natalia. Naturally I noticed it happening. I mean how could you not? But that exact moment when Olivia realized she was feeling something towards Natalia was hard to pinpoint. But it happened somewhere in offering Natalia a job, giving her the deed to Gus’s house, being a freaking superhero, rescuing her at the photo shoot, the dinner with Decker & the investment fund, and moving in together. It could be any of those moments or it just may be a combination of all of them. But, it really doesn’t matter. It happens. As Crystal Chappell points out during today’s live chat on BPD and CCandFriends when she was asked:
At what point did you think Olivia started to have feelings or fall in love with Natalia?
CC’s response:
I think Olivia started to fall in love with Natalia... probably right before she moved in with her. When she was going out of her way to make her life better. It was about that time that she fell in love with her. When she realized she wanted to make her life better.
Follow up/Interjected question:
Before or after the heart attack?
CC’s response:
Around about that time. She was aware she was falling for her but didn't consciously recognize that as love. She could not help herself. Isn't that love? When you just HAVE TO?
I completely agree with CC here. Olivia didn’t recognize it as love because she has never known that kind of love before. And the beauty of it was she did not question it. She just let it happen. It wasn’t until that fateful day in January where little Emma tells the world about her two mommies that Olivia was forced to stop and take a step back and really deal with what she was feeling. Then to have Natalia react the way she did put doubts in Olivia’s head. She couldn’t be in love with Natalia. She just couldn’t, but she was. In that moment where Olivia stands there and listens to Natalia tell Emma’s teacher that they aren’t that kind of couple, but they are in fact a family is the moment when she realized that she was right in feeling the way she did about Natalia. She loved her, but she didn’t know exactly what that meant. She didn’t know how to deal with all the emotions that were overwhelming her heart and head. But more importantly she realized that just maybe Natalia felt the exact same way.
When Olivia confronts Doris with that impassioned speech about Natalia and Doris in complete and utter awe states, “I wish a man would talk about me they way you just talked about her,” it was made perfectly clear that Olivia was madly in love with Natalia. And that terrified her. And love is just that - terrifying. To risk everything and put your whole heart, mind, body, soul out there for another person to grab a hold of and hope they do the same is a very scary thing. But, its also one of the most amazing and rewarding things you could ever do in this life. One could only be so lucky to experience that kind of love.
And just like CC says, “She couldn’t help herself. Isn’t that love? When you just HAVE TO?”
Yes, it is. It’s love and so much more.
That is ultimately what we see in the following months. As much as Olivia tried to bury her feelings and do what’s best for everyone she simply couldn’t. She couldn’t be left to wonder what if. She just had to LOVE. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Now, the big question is on everyone’s mind is how Otalia will be the end game. Most seem to believe Natalia needs to grovel once she returns in order to win Olivia’s love and trust back. I’m not so sure about that… well, not just quite yet. But, I’ll dig a bit deeper on that next time.
*** okay, hopefully I worked through all these thoughts in my head because sometimes you just hope “if I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer in inside of me threatening the life it belongs to.” Sorry about that. I speak in lyrics and clichés at times. Oh, btw that’s Anna Nalick’s Breathe (2 AM) if you didn’t know already. But yeah, just had some things to work out after all of today’s excitement with CC’s 2 and ½ hours or so of live chat and life. Hopefully I did. ***
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